Smut and perviness.

I've been hard into 2D the past few weeks. I've hit a wall with my latest bong sculpt and my progress in digital colouring has focused my waivering attention span there. I'm re-reading Adam Warren's [link] Empowered books, as this is a major inspiration for my own graphic novel dreams. I did a fan art image which has had a surprising number of faves, all by people who seem to be major bondage afficianados, judging by their galleries and other fave pics, but whatevs, it's all good. Any publicity is good publicity and I think becoming a fan of Empowered has given me an appreciation for that particular form of sexual deviation, so it would be hypocritical of me to get weirded out by other bondage fans showing an interest in this particular image.

Anyhow, I got thinking about Adam Warren's policy of showing sex and nudity in his work, without actually showing sex and nudity in his work, and I really think his decision to take the high road is the best way to go. I mean, as far back as highschool, I'd have kids looking at my drawings and saying "do you ever draw porn? Man if I could draw like you, I would totally draw porn". I'm only a little ashamed to admit that I've dabbled in erotic art, and I know that people, including myself, like smut. But I think, with the eventual goal of making and maybe even selling a graphic novel, I might do better to go with the sex without sex, nudity without nudity approach that Warren takes with his Empowered books. That way, my work has a chance of appearing in comic stores instead of porn shops. Of course, I would never completely rule out the occaisional unpublished naughty picture. There's a time and a place for smut, and it's called the internet.

Well, my xbox died a few weeks back. The classic Red Ring of Death, it's the third time an xbox has crapped out on me. I won't deny that it sucks, but I have to say, without any exciting PC games to fall back on, I've been quite productive with my art. I've been cranking out a lot of 2D work, colouring images new and old, experiementing with backgrounds. I'm getting better and getting faster, but I still have some learning to do.

I haven't finished much sculpting in a while, but I have a few projects on the go. After years of working with Sculpey polymer clay, I've found that many of my works have cracks in them, so I tried out FIMO and I've been fairly pleased with the results so far. Time will tell how well my pieces will survive, but I think I've found my new clay.

I've been trying to get out on the DA forums and show off some of my artwork, and I've gotten a few people looking at my work by that, but I have trouble with forums. I find there's a lot of people out there just trying to get as many pageviews and favorites and comments as they can, as if those numbers will make them better artists. They try to make bargains, like, if you fave one of mine, I'll fave one of yours, which is fine, I guess, if they have any decent artwork worth slapping a *fave on, but I think faves should be earned. I want people who see my art to give those *faves if they're really impressed, not because they're obligated to return a favour. Then there's always dozens of these vague posts calling for people's newest works, and people keep posting replies on those threads, even when they're weeks old, and they post everything from bad pokemon drawings to photographs to ligers and there's no rhyme or reason to any of it.

I try to remind myself that I have better things to do than spend all my time forum whoring, but I think a little bit of forum whoring can be a good thing for me. For all the internet stupidity out there, there are some smart people out there too. I did get some good feedback from one fellow. He advised me to do some book-learnin' on anatomy, and after some thought, I decided he was probably right. I really only have the most basic understanding of the skeletal system and major muscle groups. It's hard to take criticism, but I think it's even harder to give it out without offending people.

I'm toying with the idea of getting a paid DA subscription. I'm pretty broke, but it's really not that much money. I'd be curious exactly what I would be getting for my money and if it would be worth it.

I've been doing a lot of 2D stuff lately. I feel like I'm getting to the point where each new image I complete is better than the one before. I have good memories of being at this point with my sculpture back in university. It was my first year in the education program, and I found myself drunk with the freedom of being able to make whatever the hell I wanted without worrying about bullshit critiques. Don't get me wrong, I mostly enjoyed my experience in school, but the kind of art they were expecting was quite different from the kind of art I was interested in. The world of high art looks down on fantasy art, they convince themselves that their unrefined abstract scribblings are better than other art, because they hold some cryptic, hidden meaning, usually only understandable to other producers and coinisseurs in the high art circle. I found that I could make a big titted cave woman riding a stegosaurus, not to represent a feminist's struggle or challenge modern concepts of paleontology, but just because big titted cave women riding stegosauruses are fucking cool. [link]

I flunked out of the education program and spent the last month of the semester sculpting more big titted women [link] [link] [link] and I knew I'd found my true calling. Of course, I knew I would still need a real job to pay the bills, but my passion was for fantasy art. Each sculpture I made was better than the one before it, even when the one before was pretty awesome.

Now, 5 years or so later, I've found I've reached a plateau. I'm still making improvements in my technique, but I get less and less excited about my sculpting these days. I've made a half assed attempt to sell my sculptures on etsy and I haven't sold anything. Not so much as a nibble. The few commission pieces I have done always take forever to finish and I feel guilt ridden because I'm otherwise a very punctual person. It just seems that for all the work I've put in, I have nothing to show for it but a shelf full of sculptures that nobody wants to buy, which isn't so bad, because I'm not doing it for the money, but it certainly isn't encouraging.

And it's not that I'm giving up on sculpting, I'm just focusing more on my 2D stuff at this point. I have a dream of making and maybe even publishing a graphic novel some day, and I'm just now starting to see that with some practice, I could have the skill to pull it off.

When I was in grade 5, I was diagnosed with A.D.D.. It was a very fashionable disorder at the time, there were a lot of kids diagnosed with it, and we were prescribed a little magic pill that our parents were promised would cure all our behavioral problems. When I hit jr. High and the other kids started teasing me about the pills I was taking everyday at lunch, I just stopped taking them. I managed to keep my grades up, and so that was the end of that.

Until recently, I've always looked back on that that time in my life assuming that I was just one of many unnecessarily medicated kids, but now that I'm mature enough to really observe my own mental state, I'm starting to think that diagnosis may not be totally bunk. I think it's affecting my art.

Usually, when I settle in to make some art, I have a pretty elaborate set up. I clear out about a square foot of desk space to work in, and amidst the rest of the clutter on my desk, I have MP3s playing on my computer, a Slurpee or some other beverage, and a pipe packed full of my herb of choice (it's oregano, officer, honest). A slurp here and a toke there, and a quick tap on keyboard to skip to the next song on my playlist. These things are essential fuel to keep the art making machine running. Of course, with my computer there, it's convenient to check my email, surf DeviantART for inspiration, or take a porn break. And then my cats like to come in so they can look out the window, and that usually warrants a good petting. Then lunch time rolls around and I'll go make myself a sandwich, which I'll eat at my desk, you know, just so I can stay in that art-making mindset. Add the dirty plate to the desk clutter, and then it's back to work. But it's hard to work with such a cluttered desk, I should clean up a bit. Before I know it, the day is burnt up, and all I have to show for it is a lump of unsculpted clay coated with s fresh later of ash, cat hair, and bread crumbs.

I know, I know, you could blame my inefficiency on any number of these distractions. If I kept my work space clean and organized and free from distractions like this, I could be mass producing masterpieces, I'm sure, but then it would become too much like work, and I really don't want that. The clutter and the weed and the porn breaks are all just how I roll. I enjoy having these little distractions close at hand, I just need to spend less time on them and more time doing actual work.

The last thing I want to do is blame the A.D.D.. Even though I'm open to the notion that it could be a legitimate disorder, I refuse to let it become a disability for me. I don't want an official diagnosis or a prescription for any of that jazz. I really just want to figure out how to function artistically, knowing how my mind works. I had one particularly productive day where I bounced between working on two different projects. I was digitally colouring a drawing on my computer and sculpting a bong on my desk. When I started to lose focus on the one thing, I'd just slide my chair over and work on the other. As usual, I had every other conceivable distraction available and I took my occaisional sips and tokes and all the rest, but I kept productive throughout. I think the key to working with my short attention span is to make another art project into a distraction. With two or three different things going at once, I can bounce between them and not get bored of any one project.

My little brother just moved out, which means his room is going to become my new studio space. Hopefully once I get settled in there I'll be able to get making some serious art. I have a lot of awesome ideas I want to get started working on. Hopefully I'll have some new art posted soon.

I've been on a big bong-making kick recently. Check out [link] , [link] , and a third bong that's currently in the works. It combines my love of art, fantasy, and pot, what's not for to love about making bongs? Well, I'll tell you: They're piling up and it seems the world is conspiring against me trying to sell these things off.

I thought I could sell these things on ebay, kijiji, craiglist or some other online marketplace but it turns out that pretty much ALL of them have policies that forbid the sale of drug paraphernalia, pornography, and tobacco products, all of which could conceivably apply to my works. I can understand these websites need to cover their asses. The last thing they want is to become an online black market where people buy and sell drugs, guns, and thier bodies at bargain prices, but at least in my corner of the world, it's perfectly legal to sell bongs.

I did ask the owner of a local head shop that I like about selling my bongs through her store, but her franchise bosses kiboshed it. I'm guessing it might be because my bongs hava naked boobies on them and this store seems to be a clean image kind of place. There's another skeevy headshop in town that sells lots of naked titty stuff, but I think the owner there is pretty skeevy. I'd seriously worry about my bongs getting broken, stolen, or confiscated in a police raid, and there I'd be with no bongs, no money, and a sad look on my face.

So I've decided to not worry about it too much for right now and just concentrate on making art. I'll worry about selling my bongs once I actually have some made.